Today I decided to watch two movies just to see how bad they really were. What follows are the results of my experiment.

High School Musical 3
I went into High School Musical 3 worried that I might be missing out on something having not seen High School Musical and High School Musical 2. Would skipping these earlier films mean I would miss out on the finer subtleties of this latest High School Musical film? Despite this concern, I queued up the movie on Netflix and went where 12-year-old girls happily go, but where angels fear to tread.

HSM3 (as its fans refer to it) starts with a basketball team getting their asses kicked in the state championship. I immediately felt myself caring about the plight of these young lads. This high school basketball game really could be the highlight of their entire lives. They’re right on the brink of realizing they’re never going to go pro and instead they have an empty, shallow life ahead of themselves. I have hopes that HSM3 may address these very issues, but first there must be singing.

Like every other high school basketball game I’ve attended, the basketball players sing as they play the final moments of the game. They go on about “working it out” and “turning it on” and “showing what they’re all about.” It’s a peppy little number until Troy, the male lead, gets fouled and confesses that he’s scared of taking free throws. His girlfriend sings to him from the crowd about growing a pair, and then they end up winning the game. Whew. This almost wasn’t a Disney movie.

At the celebration party, Troy takes his girlfriend to his treehouse. That’s not a euphemism. At the treehouse, there’s a duet about “wishing on a star” and being “right here” and “tomorrow can wait” and “right now there’s you and me.” This seems like it might be a preamble to awkward teen sex, but instead it’s a prelude to awkward teen hugging and swooning and Troy not getting any because his mom shows up and spoils the mood.

The next day at school, Reese Witherspoon shows up all Elle-Woods-style dressed in pink, but it’s not Reese. It’s someone with significantly less acting ability. Some new British student wants to be her personal assistant, and most importantly, I don’t care about any of this. Apparently Pinky, as I had briefly begun to call her, is named Sharpay. According to the song she sings at lunch “she wants it all,” as does her flamboyant brother, Ryan. And by “all,” they mean fame and riches and going on Oprah, because what 18-year-old doesn’t aspire to be on Oprah? Anyway, the cafeteria suddenly has a giant replica of the Statue of Liberty head in it, because there is nothing so American as unwarranted self-confidence, and apparently this public school has a ridiculous budget for lunchroom entertainment. The school I attended didn’t even have hot lunches, so these kids obviously come from a different world than I’m familiar with, what with the full-scale Hollywood musicals happening in the cafeteria.

Meanwhile, Troy gets his girlfriend Gabriella up on the school roof to sing another song, this one about waltzing and “catching lightning” (which is not really that fun, Troy) and “feeling the way they do” and you can almost see the moment when Troy realizes that despite the hormones and sentiments they’re expressing, he’ll be lucky to get a handshake at the end of the song. There’s more singing and dancing, and almost-but-not-quite groping and kissing.

Troy vents his frustration by harassing some non-senior guys with his buddy Chad. We’ve seen Chad before, but this is the first time anybody’s said his name. The movie assumes if you’re along for the third ride, you’ve been on the first two. We’re then treated to a scene where Gabriella tries to get Troy to admit he’d rather be singing than playing basketball. I dunno, Gabriella. He sort of sucks at both. “Don’t discount a career in janitorial services, Troy.” That’s what I’d be telling him.

Chad asks some chick named Taylor to the prom, and apparently this is all freakin’ hilarious and dramatic and not just another lame moment in the life of a high school student. And now the kids are singing about prom - “the night of all nights” - and how excited the girls are and how reluctant the boys are (huh?), and how it’s going to be “a night to remember,” and I’m still having my doubts because this is a G-rated movie.

We’ve now had a song not about Troy and Gabriella’s chaste love, so it’s time for another number as the kids rehearse for the spring musical. Troy and Gabriella “just want to be with you” and by “you” they mean “each other”, and there’s still an hour left of this movie?

Up next, thrill to the scene of Troy and Chad visiting the junkyard to get a part for Troy’s crappy truck. Troy sifts through a pile of junk, and gripes about how his future should be his own future, and not the future of the professional wrestler guy who runs the junkyard and wants Troy to play basketball, not that you can blame the junkyard guy for wanting a different future. Then Troy and Chad sing about how “the boys are back” and dance around in the junkyard in a completely heterosexual way. Apparently this goes on for quite some time, because suddenly it’s the middle of the night and they’re brandishing fake swords at a junkyard car. What did the old car ever do to you, Troy? “No one can stop us now!” they declare to the car, and the car just shrugs like it’s seen this all before. Suddenly Troy and Chad are accompanied by a bunch of Mad Max reject grease monkeys. They all dance together in the junkyard and it is not at all fey. And then the song ends and the backup dancers disappear and Troy and Chad walk off like that whole weird musical thing didn’t just happen. But we know what really happened out there. Did Troy even pick up a part for his old truck? Who knows. I imagine that outside the junkyard, the crusty owner quietly weeps for not being invited to participate in their little dance number.

The next day, Troy finds out Gabriella’s been accepted to some prestigious program at Stanford, which is in a different state, and that means they have to break up and say goodbye and move on from each other, so Gabriella goes to kiss him on the cheek, but then Troy moves his head and she accidentally pecks him on the mouth. That Troy! Troy leaves, and dear God, how can there still be 50 minutes left, but at least we got out of that scene without another song. But no we didn’t. Gabriella starts singing about not wanting to say goodbye but how she needs to “just walk away” and she walks through her house and all the stuff in it starts disappearing, which is supposed to look cool, but just has me thinking that her parents won’t be too happy about her taking the house apart. But whatever. Gabriella is gone and Troy is back up on the school roof again, probably kissing his hand since his “girlfriend” wouldn’t even kiss him goodbye.

With Gabriella gone, Sharpay gets Gabriella’s lead in the musical, and judging by the background music, we are supposed to care about this tragedy. Troy feels sad, so he goes to shoot some hoops with a guy we’ve seen earlier. Either the guy is Troy’s dad, or else the basketball coach is sleeping in Troy’s driveway. Wait, it’s both. Oh, and his dad wants him to play basketball, not sing. But Troy wants to sing! Troy runs off and breaks into the school - or do they just give keys to the basketball team now? He sneaks into the locker room, puts on his jersey, and starts singing to himself. This would only be more pathetic if he were drunk. Then it starts raining basketballs and he starts kicking them and raging about how he ought to be able to do whatever he wants with his life, and the room starts spinning and he slips around on the walls and there are either a lot of strobe lights firing off screen or the school is in a tornado, and Troy is being very emotive and he looks up at big banners of basketball players and he rips them down, and I feel sorry for the janitor who is going to have to clean up after Troy, but maybe the janitor will remember to lock up the school tomorrow night. I think that may be the real story this movie is trying to tell. Perhaps I am missing the point. Anyway, Troy wants his own dreams, and now he’s all sweaty and his hair is mussed and the drama coach happens to be stalking him or something and they have a heart to heart about how she applied to Julliard for Troy, and she takes off her glasses, and I am relieved to see her walk away because Troy looks a little bit like he’d hump anything at this point.

So Gabriella is at Stanford and the musical at school is falling apart because Garbriella isn’t there because she’s off selfishly being smart and taking advantage of an amazing opportunity. Stupid Gabriella for having a future outside of this stupid town! She’s smart and pretty and for that we all hate her. Gabriella makes another adult decision ahead of her years: prom is stupid. She’s right, but when she tells this to Troy, he gets upset because he thought she might accidentally touch him while they danced or something, and Troy’s ready to lie and call that First Base. For some inexplicable reason, Gabrielle calls Troy “Wildcat” and it is awkward. The name of the sports team at the school is the Wildcats, and so while Gabrielle is smart, she’s not that clever with the nicknames.

Troy is now dateless for the prom. Chad (remember Chad?) tries to cheer him up, with little success. Troy goes all stalker crazy and shows up at Stanford wearing a tux and standing in a tree. Gabriella sees him and again calls him “Wildcat,” perhaps because he is in a tree wearing a tux, just like untamed felines tend to do. I wish there were some way to remind me of how these two feel about each other. Oh wait, here’s another song about dancing and how their hearts are wherever the other person is, and now they’re at the prom, except they’re not. I think they’re just imagining, or hallucinating. They may be hallucinating. They keep singing to each other “can I have this dance” over and over, even though they’re already dancing together and nobody else is there and I feel like just being around Troy must be a drain on Gabriella’s IQ.

At the end of the song, they finally kiss. Repeatedly. On the mouth. And what does Troy do? Mr. Smooth takes the opportunity to make Gabriella feel bad about leaving Wildcat town to start her bright future. “Some of us are losers, and we don’t appreciate it when people do better than us,” Troy says, more or less. Troy tries to guilt her into being a loser like he is. What a great guy!

So it’s the big night of the musical, and in addition to Gabriella ruining the musical by running off to Stanford, Troy’s little jaunt to Stanford is also ruining it too. He’s on his way back, but he’s going to be late. I only pray that Troy makes it back before the end of the musical. Wouldn’t that be amazing if it worked out that way?

So the show must go on, with stand-ins for the leads. They start singing about how, unlike this movie, “high school can’t last forever.” And then the cheerleaders are back singing the song from the very beginning of the movie, and my head starts to spin because this might mean the movie now has an excuse to repeat everything we’ve already seen, because it’s a musical within a musical within a musical, and that is not clever. It is vile, but the parents don’t agree with me because they jump to their feet and are way too excited about wasting a Thursday night in a high school auditorium.

Up next, we’re getting the “Want it All” song again, which confirms my fear that the end of this movie is going to be the Cliff Notes version of the beginning of this movie. Anyway, Sharpay has to sing with the Troy stand-in, who is young and dorky and SO not Troy, and the stand-in misses his cue and that shows up on stage dressed like a pimp and it is awkward, BUT THEN OHMYGOD! Troy AND Gabriella show up to save the musical and they redo the song that was just done by the stand-ins, because it’s their song, and because we need to hear this song three times because it’s probably the only song Disney has any shot at turning into a single. But here’s the thing: It’s not that great of a song. And now the crowd is getting into it and there is hugging and everyone wants to be with everyone and the Julliard talent scout people are even getting into it and everyone is having the best night of their lives despite the fact they’re spending it at a high school musical, and that’s a happy little piece of fiction, isn’t it?

And then Sharpay and her assistant have a big on-stage fight that is, like, both super dramatic and very funny, yet also super awesome and like, oh my god. Then the seniors come out and get their names announced even though this isn’t a graduation ceremony and it is, like, emotional! And Troy announces he’s going to play basketball AND he’s going to be in theatre, and he’s going to go to school 37 miles away from Gabriella, who doesn’t even get her own shout out because now she will never have her own identity apart from Troy and she smiles likes she happy about it even though on the inside her soul is withering. At least that’s what I read into it.

But stop the musical! Chad (remember Chad?) has gone missing. He’s hiding in the gym because he’s mad that Troy chose his girlfriend over him. Chad has to deal and go graduate, and speaking of resolving issues, Troy and his dad hug it out and then we get what I hope is the final song, because now they’re actually at graduation. For some reason, Troy is the class speaker, and I wouldn’t have signed off on that. Troy strings three sentences together, sort of, then gets his diploma, and everyone runs and screams and hugs and cheers, yet still, nobody wants to touch Troy. Now Chad isn’t even interested.

There is yet another song about “high school musical” and “stepping into the future” and “celebrating where we come from” because this movie does not know when to roll over and die. But perhaps the very best part of this entire move is the final line of the final song, where everyone sings about how they want the rest of their lives to be just like a high school musical. So high aspirations for everyone!

10,000 B.C.
10,000 B.C. is the kind of movie that has a 2-hour runtime that you can watch in just an hour solely by fastforward through all the sweeping vista shots. Yes, people are walking. On mountains. And now they are in Egypt. Or something. But first they must walk through a jungle inhabited by giant, poorly-rendered CGI ostriches, because the director really wanted velociraptors in his movie, but thought fierce predatory ostriches would be more believable.

And that’s really all you need to know about 10,000 B.C. You WILL be bored. You WILL be annoyed. You WILL ponder the vaguely British accents. There’s a bit of high drama in the end when the female lead dies. But then she isn’t dead and we get a full-on happy ending. Oh, and the male lead? He’s friends with a sabertoothed tiger, but that isn’t that remarkable, because the tiger is even more CGI-looking than the 14-foot ostriches.

10,000 B.C. is not, however, what I would call a movie that makes me wish I were back to watching High School Musical 3. In fact, I would say that 10,000 B.C. is the better of the two movies, solely because it’s possible to fast-forward through so much of 10,000 B.C. without missing anything. After watching these two cinematic disasters, I’m left wishing these movies had somehow been combined. They were not, but I really think that in College Musical 1, Troy’s head should be ripped off by a giant feral ostrich. I might pay to see that.

Spring Semester 2009 is over. As I wait for grades to come in later this week, I’ve begun plotting out my summer. I’m taking a week or two to focus on landscaping our yard. Outdoor physical labor seems like a nice way to detox from being stuck inside at a computer, which is where most of my life has been lived the past 3 1/2 month, but it’s also a reminder of just how out of shape I am. The landscaping project should lead to a less-embarrassing, more enjoyable yard with the bonus of having a smaller area to mow. But that outdoor project doesn’t mean I’m giving up reading and writing for the next three months.

I’m currently re-reading Mike Nelson’s Death Rat and am mid-way through Cory Doctorow’s Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom, a fun little futuristic novella. I have a few Kurt Vonnegut books checked out, as well. I’m not planning for much heavy reading this summer, but I feel like Slaughterhouse Five is something I should be able to say I’ve read. I’m hoping to read Earth Abides by George Stewart and maybe check out the Planetary comic series by Warren Ellis, but neither are in the local library system. I may have to resort to (gasp!) buying them.

As for writing, I currently have a couple people looking over my first novel, and am still giving serious consideration to self-publishing. I’m hoping to get some final feedback this summer, make some final revisions, and then figure out the best way to self-publish. This isn’t my attempt to make it rich. I’ll probably have a paper copy available for sale through Lulu or something, but I might just publish the whole thing as a blog. We’ll see. Once school starts up again in the fall, this project will probably be on hold until I finish school next May.

I’d also like to do some new writing this summer. I fear the possible results of all the scholarly BS writing I’ve done the past year. I’m hoping it hasn’t yet ruined my ability to write fiction. My second novel has sat on the back burner for a long time now. I have a full, completed draft. I think parts of the book are some of the best writing I’ve ever done, but there are also parts that don’t work yet. I’m thinking I should set aside some time this summer to revisit this novel and see what I can do with it.

It’s also tempting to set aside all the previous work and see what I might be able to come up with between Memorial Day and Labor Day. If I averaged 1,000 words a day, I could easily crank out a novel in two or three months (I tend to write short). I’m just not quite sure if I have a full-length story in me right now, or the energy to commit to that kind of intellectual endeavor.

More than anything else, this summer needs to be a time to recharge before another academic year begins. To that end, what I’m most looking forward to this summer is spending a lot of time with Jaime. There were a few weeks this semester where I was so buried in homework that I barely saw her. I’m glad to have a few months where I don’t have to worry about that happening.

School has been seriously cutting into my blogging over the past year, and Spring semester has been even busier than fall. I have little time right now to write non-school-related thoughts longer than the 140 character limit that Twitter accepts. I’m hoping to have time and motivation to do more blogging between May and September when I only have one summer class and thus more free time. I’m also hoping to use that time to update my portfolio blog, work on fiction writing, and do a lot of yard work. Stay tuned.

Yesterday, Jaime and I toured the Advertising and Design Museum in Milwaukee. The highlight was the Fossil display, which showed all of the company’s marketing and the designs of their famous watch tins. It got me thinking that I should get a watch (effective advertising, huh?), and so I looked around while we were out shopping yesterday, but I decided to hold out and see what I could find on the internet. I’m glad I did. I went on Fossil’s website (which is currently down for maintenance) and found watches I hadn’t seen in stores. Then I went on Amazon and found them at discounted prices.

I have it narrowed down to fewer than 10 choices, but I’m having trouble deciding. I feel like it’s something I have to decide myself, but thought I’d blog these because I got tired of flipping between tabs to look at all of them. Also, I think they’re all cool, so if you’re in the market for a men’s watch, here are a few you could consider. I’m looking for something that’s fun and reflects my design aesthetic. I could probably spend thousands of dollars on that, which is another reason I’ve decided on the Fossil brand. Amazon has most of these marked down to one degree or another. They range in price from $55-$175, which makes them all within my price range. Without further ado, here are the ones I’m considering:

1. S+arck gray on black. S+arck is the name of a designer who is so cool, he spells his name with a plus sign instead of a T like mere humans would do. The watch displays the number for the hour that it is, and fills in the ring to illustrate the minutes. So on the picture, it’s 3:15. I look at this and the next watch on my list and I think that if I had them on my wrist, I would look at the watch and feel like I was living in the future. It becomes a question of not what time is it, but what time will it be….in the future!

2. S+arck green on black. Because maybe a glowing green circle on your arm is even MORE futuristic.

3. The next few appeal to me because the faces remind me of automotive gauges. Up first is this one. It’s a more traditional watch face, but I love the silver-on-black simplicity and readability. I’m not sure, however, that I love the strap. The face whispers “Mercedes” but the strap screams “Kia”.

4. What if I want to keep track of what time it is here in Wisconsin and what time it is where I’d rather be, like, say, Hawaii? Enter the dual dial watch. Again, I like how these look like automotive gauges - aided by the fact that the large face has numbers in 5 minute increments from 05 to 55, instead of 1-12. This and the following watch are the same, except for color variations.

5. Here’s the other color variation.

6. This watch is an automatic, which means it uses the movement of your wrist to charge itself - no battery. The face looks like a huge throwback, but I love the full/empty gauge for the charge, and the teardrop gauge with the giant “60″.

7. I like the beige and browns color scheme, and I like how the bottom dual-tone gauge looks like it might be from an airplane. Compared to the other watches, though, it feels a little boring and cluttered.

8. Brown, orange, and stainless steel give this one an interesting modern/vintage look.

9. Finally, here’s a very strong contender. It’s simple AND unique. Analog AND digital. It has a very strong design element, but it’s one of the most inexpensive items on my list (and it still comes with an 11-year warranty).

At least for now, “Sexy Boots” by U2 is up on YouTube. I’ve been wondering how the new song works live, and if the Grammys are any indication, the answer is “It doesn’t really.” I’m glad U2 is back to experimenting with their sound after a couple albums that were back to basics - we don’t need a third album that sounds exactly like the last 2 - but not every experiment is going to be a success. Hoping the rest of the album is better than this first single.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Only the most badass person in the Bible who killed a giant with three small stones. And also my two grandpas. (I’m NAMED after two grandpas. The character in the Bible did not kill two grandpas with three small stones. At least not that I’m aware of. It’s been awhile since I read the Old Testament.)

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Not sure. I’ll get teary sometimes when watching movies where I’m really emotionally invested, but actual crying? I don’t know.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Meh

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Ham above all other choices, and by a significant margin.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
We do have a yard now, but still not really enough space to raise goats.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Assuming that other person existed in the same point in time and geographic location so that the other me would have occasion to meet the me me? Wouldn’t that potentially cause some sort of paradox, thus destroying the fabric of the entire universe? In that case, no, because that would sort of be an asshat thing to do.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Why would I ever use sarcasm?

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
No. I remember getting them out when I was five and being confused about why I had to be bare-ass for an operation that was taking place in my mouth. Come to think of it, that never was adequately explained.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I hear it has its ups and downs, so maybe. (Sorry. That pun hurt even me.)

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Cinnamon Life, Frosted Cheerios

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
This question is negated by my vast wardrobe of velcro-fastened shoes. Even if it wasn’t, this is a stupid question.

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Spumoni, pumpkin, and really chocolatey chocolate, but vanilla IS a good accompaniment to just about anything

13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
It depends on the situation. You notice different things in, say, church, than you do at, say, a nude beach in SoCal.

14. RED OR PINK?
Red. Wait, what are we talking about?

15. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I’m too tall to be a despot.

16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Friends and family from Minnesota

17. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
No. I do not WANT everyone to complete this list. I COMMAND everyone to complete this list. Kneel before Zod and fill out this list, bitches, or I’m going to carve my alien face into Mount Rushmore. And where is Superman to protect you? Do you hear me, Superman?

18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
I see my pants and shoes/ I want to paint them black.
But they already are.

19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
“Hysteria” by Muse on Pandora. I had to fast-forward twice to get to a cool song to put on this list.

20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Burnt Sienna, or some other color that is named something where, when you hear the name of the color, you aren’t exactly sure what that color really is. Or else blue.

21. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Chili, pumpkin pie in the oven, bread in the oven, rain, campfires, coffee

22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Jaime

23. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
No doy.

24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
I watched about 5 minutes of the Superbowl and that was it for the entire season. Football is the sport I watch the most. I will, however, watch some sports during the winter olympics because it is fun to watch skiers and skaters fall down.

25. HAIR COLOR?
brown and an increasing amount of gray.

26. EYE COLOR?
Blue, like a Siberian huskie

27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
I did during college, but tried to get used to them again a couple years ago and couldn’t do it. Never reached a point where they didn’t annoy me.

28. FAVORITE FOODS?
Pad Thai from Bangkok restaurant in Oshkosh (yes, that specific place) BBQ pork sandwiches, french fries, Cuban sandwiches, kung pao chicken (peanuts AND spicy peppers = brilliant) myzithra cheese on pasta, pizza, pumpkin pie, really good hamburgers…okay, i could think of a lot more things.

29. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
If Jaime’s around, I’m always interested in a happy ending.

30. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Son of Rambow, which should be required watching for everyone who likes movies that don’t suck.

31. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Really dark green/dark green/medium green/green/light green/really light green - it’s striped, yo!

32. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Hmmm. Bikinis or snowsuits? Sandals or frostbite? Enjoying life or praying to God I live six months to see the next day above 40 degrees. Let me think…

33. HUGS OR KISSES?
Both with Jaime. Otherwise hugs.

34. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
You.

35. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Pete Shiffer, because I don’t know anybody named Pete Shiffer.

36. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Brave New World

37. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Mouse pad? What century is this? Perhaps I could also answer what version of DOS I’m running.

38. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
I watch very little broadcast TV, but did watch a couple episodes of The Extras on DVD from Netflix. Lost is on tonight, but I find myself unengaged with this season thus far.

39. FAVORITE SOUND(S).
music, the voices of friends and family, laughter, the ocean, Tims

40. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Yes.

41. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Either southern Florida or southern California. I think Florida is maybe more miles.

42. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Other than being able to fly and x-ray vision, no.

43. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Minnesota

44. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Pete Shiffer. Hollaback, Pete Shiffer! Do you prefer hugs or kisses, Pete? What is on your mouse pad, you magnificent Luddite bastard? Hugs or kisses, Pete? Red or pink, Pete? Damnit, Pete, answer me!

I realized this morning that I haven’t blogged at all while I’ve been on interim the past 6 weeks or so - bad of me, I know - but school’s starting up again and I’ll be back to spending more time on the computer and with that should come some blogging. The more I’m on the computer and the more time spent actively and critically thinking, the more the blogging flows. So stay tuned.

In the meantime, so this post isn’t completely pointless, here are some notes from the past six weeks:

My big plans to edit my second novel and redesign my blog and portfolio sites all went by the wayside. I felt like I needed a break from the computer, so I took one and it was good. Being sick for half the month didn’t help my motivation levels. I’ve begun working on updating my portfolio site, and I’ve been thinking more and more about my novel because there’s an element to Lost that is somewhat similar to an element in my novel, but with school starting up again I don’t know how much time I’m going to have to write for fun with the necessary degree of concentration.

On watching stuff
Speaking of Lost, it occurred to me last night as we watched episode three of the new season that I am completely bored by the Oceanic Six. I like Ben a lot, and I still like Hurley, but Jack and Kate? I’d be fine if one or both of them left the show. How about both? Please? Last night’s episode was a Desmond episode, and I always seem to like those episodes.

We’ve also been watching How I Met Your Mother. We’re through season 1 and halfway into season 2, and I still can’t decide how I feel about the show. I automatically give any show a knock if they have to resort to a laugh track to pump up their jokes. Also, I still don’t find myself at all compelled by the main character in the show, and that’s sort of a problem, right? So why do we keep watching? Neil Patrick Harris. Give the man some Emmies, because Doogie grew up and became one of the best comedic actors I’ve seen outside of Arrested Development.

We also caught up on CSI this month, thanks to Netflix and the Xbox360. I think the show was at its peak with the Miniature Killer story arc, and I’m not sure if the show will survive given the big cast shakeup this season.

On Gaming
I spent the first week of January with a severe cold that kept me home from work a few days, which meant lots of hours for napping and playing Fallout 3. I was all ready to declare my favorite game of 2008 to be De Blog, with a nod to World of Goo - those titles are great fun and very family-friendly - but then Fallout 3 changed my mind. Like Oblivion before it, Fallout 3 is an action RPG that takes place in a sprawling world, and both games have main story lines that, to be blunt, suck to varying degrees. Where the game comes alive is in exploring areas that the main story doesn’t require you to go. There’s something about this post-apocalyptic world that resonates so much more than the world in Oblivion, though I’ve always been more interested in sci-fi than in fantasy, so maybe that’s just me. There’s something cool about visiting the bombed-out Smithsonian history museum and discovering artifacts and weapons from America’s history. And speaking of weapons, while the game’s combat system is gorier than necessary and enemies still get stronger as you get stronger (something I didn’t like about Oblivion), combat remains enjoyable throughout the entire game experience, and it is possible to develop your character in such a way that you begin to feel like something of a badass. The good/evil character growth system from Oblivion is present, and still somewhat ridiculous - You can spend 60 hours helping people solve their problems, but if you then spend a half hour stealing their stuff, you’re a bad person with negative karma (this does, however, make it a lot easier to game some of the achievements. That’s something I wish I’d realized at the start of the game).

So Fallout 3 was a lot of fun. I also played through the newest Prince of Persia game. I’m thinking of going back and replaying Sands of Time, because in my mind, that game is still one of the best games ever made, and this new game falls far short of it in every category except graphics. Prince of Persia often looks stunning, but gameplay has received a lobotomy. Most of the Prince’s moves are accomplished by spamming the action button - there’s just something too automatic about this process. Combat is minimal (which is good) but when it does occur, it’s slow and deliberate, and few battles are particularly clever. It’s also impossible to die so there’s never any sweating-palms risk, the male and female lead characters are generic and not nearly as likable as the characters in Sands of Time, environmental puzzles are all-but nonexistent, and the game is quite short. Despite all of that, I didn’t hate the game. I was just really bored by it whenever I stopped paying attention to the eye candy.

Also, I’m finding myself toying with the idea of selling my Wii on eBay. Right now I’m holding on to it mostly because it lets me play my old GameCube games. Seriously, Nintendo, where are the compelling Wii games?

You might that back a couple months ago when I was working on a paper about Obama’s branding, I posted a survey here asking about Obama’s logo. There’s now a two-part YouTube video with the logo’s creator, who discusses the logo and also shows alternate designs that were rejected. Worth checking out if you’re interested in this sort of thing.

Apparently I’m late to the party on this one, as this CD was released back in October. The CD I’m referring to is one in which a bunch of female country singers go in and add vocal tracks to Elvis’s classic Christmas songs. Now, I’m not a big Elvis fanatic, but I do happen to really like his Christmas music. I also know that when Elvis was alive, he wasn’t a big fan of duets. And maybe it’s because I’ve been thinking about Elvis lately because I’m writing a paper on Bubba Ho-Tep and I’m reading the Dean Koontz Odd Thomas books where the main character hangs out with Elvis’s ghost, but the fact that this CD even exists, that at least a few dozen people had to have thought this was a good idea…it hurts my soul. Are there really people out there who listen to Elvis singing “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” and think to themselves, “That’s kinda nice, but it’d be so much better if Carrie Underwood were pissing all over it?” If these people do exist, surely they can be quarantined.

A friend sent me a story about how a professor at Bringham Young University is structuring an online class based on massive multi-player online roleplaying games (MMORPGs). I was amused by it. It’s an interesting idea, and one that should definitely be applied to my upcoming Soils and Landmasses class, because I suspect the topic would be much more interesting if we were also learning about molemen, orcs, trolls, and other subterranean dwellers. What type of soil does a troll prefer? What landmass is most likely to appeal to a moleman? These are important questions that might help me stay awake during my class about dirt.

I think there are, however, some problems with treating an online course as a multiplayer role-playing game.

1. The best multi-player videogames allow you to kill your teammates when they annoy you or ban people who don’t play well with others (like when your own teammates kill you because they’re annoyed with you).

(Tangent: I’ve only been banned exactly once, when in a Star Wars game I entered some sort of nerd clan where people were there specifically to engage and view one-on-one duels with other fellow would-be jedis. I didn’t understand what was going on at first, and nobody was friendly or helpful…so I fired up my lightsaber and started randomly attacking people. I’m not proud of that. Wait, yes I am. They were unwise to lower their defenses.)

Anyway, I’ve been recently reminded of just how miserable group projects are when you have bad people in your group, so if you can’t ban people or roast them with friendly fire, you’re still looking at group projects that have just been re-branded as “quests”.

2. Do you get to create your own avatar? That’s a staple of the MMORPG, but it could open a big can of worms and inappropriateness for an academic setting. For example, I actually prefer to play as a female character when I play RPGs. I realize that might seem a little weird, but my reasoning is that If I’m going to spend 40-100 hours traipsing around dimly lit dungeons and bland countrysides staring at an avatar’s backside, I’d prefer it to be a female backside. I think this is why Square makes even their male lead characters so girly that you can’t determine their gender when viewed from behind (and really, good luck figuring out half of them even after seeing them from the front and after hearing them talk).

3. Finally, will there be 14-year-olds cursing like the most hardened Navy SEALs after they’ve downed a barrel of vodka, pissed off at you for not having 80 hours a week to devote to the finer points of being an effective red mage? Because otherwise it’s not going to be a realistic online gaming environment.